So there's this thing called Rainbow

“You’ve never heard of Rainbow?” One of my west coast friends asked me. If you’re assuming it’s some sort of LGBTQ event, or organization like I did you would be wrong, like I was. In this post I’m going to do my best to explain to you what Rainbow is just as my friends tried to do for me. It’s a challenge to explain rainbow to people who have never been, because it is so very different from anything that those of us functioning on a “normal” schedule in a “normal” society understand.  For the next week my friends regaled me with stories of this magical nomadic group of people who meet every year from all over the world to just live. Like most like most americans, I was confused, “Just Live? I don't understand what is that you do?” Well now that I’ve been to Rainbow twice I can try to answer that question. What you do is, wake up whenever you want to, do whatever you want to, eat whenever you want to, nap whenever you want to, and be happy. Thats it, it’s that simple.

When people first tried to explain Rainbow to me I imagined a festival of hippies and vendors, wrong again. Hippies yes, god yes the hippies, hippies hippies everywhere, but vendors no, festival no. My friends kept telling me that everything was free, which I also didn’t understand, but mostly I just didn’t believe, “What exactly do you mean when you say the word free?” There has to be a cost somewhere, like those free trials you get online but you can’t do it unless you put in your credit card information and then forget about until you look at your credit card statement and see charges because you didn’t cancel in time. So to me the word free was followed by, free like an online trial. “Everything’s free? What about admission? What about your camping spot? Who pays for your food and your water? Who pays for the entertainment?”

Not satisfied with any of the answers I received and intrigued by what I had heard I decided to check Rainbow out for myself. In July I got myself ready to go camping in Montana, I took a fight from Savannah Georgia, and landed in San Fransisco, road tripped to Butte Montana and spent the next week completely free. It was a life changing experience. I was surrounded by wild sage bushes that seemed to change color throughout the day. I camped deep into the forest under the protection of pine trees. When it rained I snuggled up with a book in my tent, and when the sun was out I hiked through the mountains my eyes wide with awe as I came across hundreds of people tucked away in what otherwise appeared to be empty forest. What I thought was hundreds I quickly realized was more like thousands of people. I had so many neighbors in my shady little camp area, everywhere I went I saw other people, other “rainbow children” camped out in the trees and lounging in the shade, casually getting stoned and playing banjos. There were dogs of all different breeds happily frolicking about with other dogs, (somehow I never once saw dog shit, which is probably one of the most mysterious things about Rainbow, I mean I see the dogs, so many dogs, where is the shit!!!) 

My first year at Rainbow in Butte Montana

Whenever I was hungry I just brought my “blissware” (another rainbow term for your cutlery. Blissware is anything that can be used to hold food, literally anything from an expensive multipurpose instrument you find at R.E.I to a scraped and cleaned coconut to an old milk jug thats been cut in half) to a kitchen and waited a few moments in line and soon an androgynous happy hippy with glazed eyes would ask me if “I wanted the vegan split pea soup or if I wanted to add bacon?” “No bacon please”, “Here you go, Loving you sister”, (“loving you” is a common greeting at rainbow it’s how you say hello and everyone refers to each other as brother or sister) and then I was on my way to wonder through the woods, happily eating my vegan split pea soup, take a cat nap in the shade, wake up whenever I pleased and wander wherever I wanted. 

My second year at Rainbow in Black Hills South Dakota

There were people playing instruments everywhere and you could stop and listen to kids sing songs that you will never hear on top 100 lists. Social events were surprisingly organized and there was a camp known as information, which had a board of listings on it. Homemade signs advertising a wide array of classes, Yoga at dawn, edible plants at 5, Reiki classes at noon. There were signs up about safe sex and respecting women bodies, Tips about appropriate pet care, there was even a active dating scene. Someone had strung up a line that people would pin up little bios about themselves and what they were interested in. The line had a sign on it that said “Online dating.” 

On the morning of the 4, the entire camp recognizes a morning of silence, if you must speak you do so in whispers but mostly you get along with your neighbors and friends by using body language and a rudimentary form of sign language. The whole camp walks down to main meadow at around noon. Then strangers take hold of each others hands as everyone prepares to break the silence with an Om. After which everyone celebrates, creating drum circles and breaking open watermelons, singing and Dancing and appreciating the sound of your own voice. 

Main meadow in Black Hills South Dakota

I could probably write a book on my experiences but this is just a light overview. What I want you to understand is that its not perfect, there are moments that aren’t so blissed out, like when I got food poisoning and spent 2 days with uncontrollable diarrhea and feared I’d never be able to eat solid food again. Also the time we got back to our camp site exhausted and in the dark only to find that a huge drum circle had been formed right outside of our tents. But the magical moments are worth sharing and experiencing. It’s impressive and bewildering to see a group of people that take care of one another completely outside of society, no police, no internet, no doctors. Its impressive watching people live off the land and make the most of every day. Its bewildering to see them do it without worrying about all the things we in  the “real world” spend the majority of our life stressing out over like utility bills and time clocks. 

I had a dream once an angel was at my side as I looked out on a city and saw dirty people everywhere, going through trash, covered in dirt, wearing torn dirty clothing. I felt sad for these people but the angel told me that I was looking at the situation wrong. The Angel said that the world was actually the most beautiful that it had ever been and we were closer to paradise then ever before, but we were only focusing on the negative things. As the angel spoke I saw the people on the street that I thought were dirty junkies turn into beautiful street kids collecting and bartering and living communally off from the waste the sprawling city around them was creating.

I’m not particularly religious one way or the other. I do believe in a higher power and I do believe that everyone has a purpose. Maybe this dream has a deep symbolic meaning, maybe it doesn’t. I do however think about the people I met at rainbow when I think about this dream. Maybe we as a society are doing things wrong, maybe we could learn something from the people we tend to walk away from like all those dirty hippies and street kids we see on the subways. Maybe life doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it, maybe it’s as simple as waking up and being grateful for the sun. 

This is a brief overview and theres a lot more that could be said, but what I would suggest is going to rainbow if its something you feel like you would be interested in or maybe even, maybe especially even if its something you don’t feel like you would be interested in. You can find out more information on their website, www.welcomehome.org 

Call a Pal

Why do we obsess over our exes? It sounds awful to say but we tend to take our significant others, or flings, or fuck friends for granted when they're always around or constantly available but the second that they aren’t in our lives suddenly our creeper stalker alter egos take control. I’m not the only one most of you know what I'm talking about. That moment you check your exes facebook or instagram and freak out about that other girl or guy in the picture, “who the fuck is that” click, click, click......suspense....gut awful feeling, have they moved on? Is she hotter then me? Is she "cooler" then me? What does she have that I don't have? Ooo wait it’s his sister phewwww calm down crazy…wait who the hell is that!!!!

Of course they’re going to go out and meet other people as should you. If they're in your past they're there for a reason. Don’t hold on and let yourself get crazy about something inevitable. Spend your energy on better things, like finding new friends and strengthening your relationships with your current friends.

As much as Carrie Bradshaw annoys the hell out of me, the girl got it right in the friend department. No matter how hard you fall no matter how hard you fail and no matter how many times it happens (which if you're doing it right should be pretty often life is about making mistakes!), if you have solid good friends around you you’ll be ok. But you have to put the time in with your friends, you can’t just pick up the phone when you need something. Nobody wants to feel like an emotional dumpster. I don’t want to be someones friend for the bad stuff and the bad stuff only. I am a great shoulder to cry on, and I definitely want to be on the call list when shit hits the fan but I want to be there for the good stuff too! I want to be called to just hang out and go see a show, go out dancing, go get some food, get some drinks, check out that new exhibit, or just watch a movie. 

Let me run this scenario by you and see if it sounds familiar, you get a call or a text or a email from a friend you haven’t seen in a while, they're super eager and excited to hang out with you which makes you feel happy because its nice to know that people are excited about hanging out with you, and because you really want to hang out with them as well! But then you get there and immediately realize that this is no ordinary hang out and chill session. It is in fact not a hang out and chill session at all it is a, help me my boyfriend/girlfriend and I are on the outs and now I need to reaffirm my sense of self, and heal my bruised ego and wounded self esteem, which is now, because you are a good loyal friend, your job. You showed up under the guise of drinks and a good time only to realize, to late I might add, that it’s a trap. Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to people when your sad please PLEASE reach out when your sad, but don’t save all your happy moments for your significant other and then hang out with your friends when your on the out with your flavor of the week. Its not cool, its not ok, and if your guilty of entrapment you may find after a while you don’t have very many good friends left. 

Ready Set Jump

I read a blog post titled “How I can Afford to Travel the World, and You’re not Going to Like it.” The author revealed that her secret was to just do it. To just travel the world. Had I read this 4 years ago I would have been frustrated by the simplicity and written if off as a privileged girl who was way out of line suggesting that life was just as easy for everyone. I mean people have obligations they can’t just get up and walk away from their lives even if they're unhappy, can they? I mean its irresponsible, isn’t it? 4 years ago I had so many reasons to stay in a life that didn’t make me happy. Every time I thought about traveling I instantly thought of all the things I just HAD to do FIRST. “I have to finish college first, I have to get a great job first, I have to have that job long enough to look good on a resume first, I have to save up enough money first, I have to get a car that’s dependable first, I have to get my passport first.” 

For my whole life I’d consistently moved every 2 years. My poor family was exhausted and I’m sure cringed every time they saw my number on their caller ID. I was filled with a restrained wanderlust which kept me bouncing within the borders of my rural county. “How long do you plan on staying this time?” everyone asked. It was almost a joke, “make sure you keep the boxes, hell why don’t you just keep your things in the boxes and save yourself some time. By 21 I had moved 23 times, I had a problem with the word permanent, and long term commitment. It wasn’t that my intention was to move so frequently its just that soon I would get antsy, I fantasized about other apartments other towns, other neighbors.  Every time I painted or arranged my furniture I really thought I was setting down roots. Inevitably I would start to wonder, and then wander. It was difficult because I didn’t realize that traveling, real traveling not this weird temporary relief I got from moving down the block, was an option for me. Now that I’m older I realize that there are lots of people out there just like me who shutter when a lease forces them to commit, when people ask us what we want to do with our lives, and anytime someone says that nasty word permanent. 

This blog is for you fellow wanderers, unsettled souls who have yet to leave your first home, or have moved more times then they’ve been alive. This is for you lovers of airports, and craigslist, sun chasers, snow birds and snow boarders. This is for the people who've always wanted to just throw it all out and then start over. This is for the people waiting for validation that not wanting to settle down, or settle for, doesn’t make you crazy or difficult. If you’ve always wanted to live somewhere or go somewhere I hope that you do, and I hope that this blog is a helpful guide to you. I hope you travel the world, travel your road, your block, your county, your state, your country. The world is filled with love and opportunity everywhere you look. Its not a matter of opportunity its a matter of aligning yourself with that opportunity and being ready to take it. 

When I finally moved it wasn’t because I finally saved enough money, or got a dependable car (I didn’t even have a car I lived in town and just walked everywhere), or finished college (actually I had dropped out), or had a great job or a great job offer I didn’t have any of the things I told myself I needed to really move. What I had was a date. My roommates informed me that they were going to move out early and break the lease, they offered to stay until I found roommates to sublease from which was very nice of them but I decided it was time. I was 21 years old and had been bitching about my tiny town since as long as myself or anyone who knew me could remember. It was time to go. 

I didn’t think that I had any connections, no rich family members in far away places, no family vacation homes, just me myself and I is all I thought I had. This is a very individualistic perspective and it turns out it was untrue! After getting on facebook and connecting with an aunt that I had in South Carolina, a woman I had never met and who wasn’t even technically my aunt any more, she was divorced from my step fathers brother, but regardless she said that I could move in with her while I looked for a job and my own place. Here I’d been running this script in my head for years about all the opportunities I didn’t have, all the things I couldn’t do, and it turns out that script I was so sure was bulletproof was shot to hell.

I had been living on my own for nearly 5 years at that point having gotten my first place at 16 and I had accumulated furniture, lots and lots of furniture and pretty trinkets, nice cocktail sets, brandy sets, wine glasses, china, beautiful pictures, hundreds of books, cd’s, and clothes clothes CLOTHES. All things that I thought were important and would make me happy. 5 years worth of collecting and I gave it all away and what I couldn’t give away I donated or threw away. My whole life, things I was so sure would prove that I was an adult, a successful adult and none of it actually mattered. I packed two suitcases thats it, thats all that was left of an apartment full of stuff. I boarded a grey hound bus and left my home my family my friends, off to a place I’d never been to live with people I’d never met with no job prospects and no real plans. It was the best thing I’ve ever done. 

My advice to people who want to move is the same as the woman in that wonderful article I read on a facebook feed. If you want to go just go. If you set your intention the world will take care of the rest. I’ve actually gotten a little addicted to throwing myself into the universe and watching it work out. Im always surprised and incredibly renewed each time I move. About a year and a half ago I got rid of all my things, again, and bought a one way ticket to JFK, and then a taxi to Bed-Stuy. Once again to live with people that I’d never met to stay in a place I’d never been, with no job prospectives and no real plans. Within 24 hours I had a job interview which let to a full time job the following week, and was sitting under some sort of fruit vines soaking up the sun in an outdoor bbq in Williamsburg, sipping on whiskey punch and watching a young jazz band play their hearts out. 

My life is magical, life is magical, your life is magical, all you have to do is jump into it.